Dropped Calls

This week for a variety a reasons I've been thinking a lot about friendships and how hard they can be to maintain. To the point where I purposely thought of an analogy that makes sense to me in terms of how I usually look at friendship. It's like playing catch, only the chances are you're gonna throw the ball to the other person and they're just gonna walk off and keep it. It's the rare ones that decide to throw it back that truly have a chance. This is where I get depressed...this outlook means I often give up long before I try. So seriously call me up (yes YOU); it's so rare for someone to actually throw the ball back that I will go out of my way just to make sure you know that YOU are appreciated.

More I thought about the more I realize sometimes I don't even try. I'm an intuitive type of person so I observe people's personalities usually long before I will ever try to hang out. I'll often only make the effort if I see something in their personality that would benefit me. And here lies the problem.

I have kind of cynical view of friendships and by connection the cell phone. Many people I call I'm already anticipating leaving a message and never getting a call back. It happens often and I just assume it's gonna happen again, especially with certain groups of people. I literally will predict a person's likelihood of calling me back based on the group they hang out with. So for example, if it's a person I'm calling who was on my dorm floor last year there's about a 70% chance they will actually call back, but if it's a Christian girl it's more along the lines of 40% chance I'll ever get a call back. I'm not saying this is how it is it's just the way I think; which is again unfortunate.

So here's the deal I hate it, but am very aware that a stereotype people...a lot. I will not even try to be friendly with certain people based on what group I associate them with and I hate it. Why do past experiences need to be indicative of new ones? They don't. People don't fulfill my needs; never will. In the end only Jesus can do that. And only through that will I ever truly be able to stop USING people and start LOVING people.

[Oh and leave me comments people, especially since I think sometimes my writing can be abstract. Plus always want to improve. Later]